Are friendships necessary?

I caught up with a friend this weekend who I have not seen for several years.  She does not follow social media, so our communication has been irregular and mostly by occasional email. It was and is special to spend time together face to face.  It was as my friend said, “…like picking up where we left off last time.” 

Some friendships are like that.  Separated by distance and time, the friendship endures and when we meet again, it is like we were never apart. 

C.S Lewis said “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… it has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which gives value to survival.”  He also said, “…I have no duty to be anyone’s friend and no man has a duty to be mine. “ 

Perhaps that is why I find friendships so beautiful.  I am free from the expectations of duty and responsibility: I can just be me and I can be.  And like spending time with art and philosophy, my life is enriched as a result of spending time with a friend. Friendship provides the gift of beauty and depth just by its presence. 

I have noticed something else about friendships.  There are seasons where they are very welcomed and almost necessary.  I wonder if C.S. Lewis had considered the importance of girlfriends? 

One season of my life where friendships were particularly meaningful were my years at university.  That block of years was a season in between childhood and adulthood, where there was just me and study; and the freedom to explore the bigger questions of life; or not.  These were the years before I picked up the role and the expectations of wife, mother and even daughter.  A season before those responsibilities would eclipse anything as unnecessary as friendships. These friendships have proven to be like my friend I caught up with this weekend. Whenever we get the chance to get together-and that has proven to be quite difficult, it is like we only met together yesterday.   Our friendships have transcended our roles and together we get to be the girls underneath life’s responsibilities. 

Another season where my girlfriends and their friendships have been life giving has been this one. This season of my life is mid-life; a season where it feels as I have given the best of myself to marriage, raising children, to aging parents and to a would- be career.  I am staring into a space where many of my roles and responsibilities have ended. In the space remaining I have encountered both the plain and pain.  At times, I would say that my girlfriends have been more than necessary. Most certainly they have added colour and depth, just by their presence. 

The more I reflect on my friendships, I am not sure that I entirely agree with C.S. Lewis. Maybe he did not understand what it means to be a woman and a girlfriend. What about you?  Do you think friendships have little survival value and are like art and philosophy?  Or would you say, they are necessary?    

Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash