Have you ever met a human that is perfect? No, me neither. Why then do we insist on pursuing such an unobtainable goal. After all, as humans we are multidimensional-physical, spiritual, cognitive and emotional beings. And then there is the subjective definition of perfection which is mostly a social and cultural construct. And we know it! Who has not critiqued social media and media for the unattainable perfection that is presented there? Would you agree with me that the pursuit of perfection is irrational?
This week, I witnessed adolescents being mean to others about their imperfections when they themselves were glaringly flawed. One young man, was making fun of the disabilities of others in special education when he himself required assistance. Looking on I could not help be dismayed about their responses when I knew they themselves sought and hungered for acceptance.
In an article on disability and the acceptance of imperfection, Erin Martz says “the anger, avoidance, blame, and stigma that is often heaped upon individuals with disabilities could be explained as a projection of an individual’s own insecurity and non-acceptance of the fact that he or she is also imperfect.”
Should we be focusing on our imperfections instead? I do not know about you but that has led me to shame, blame and self-dislike in general, not to mention anxious vulnerability about my inadequacies. I have noticed that some people start to wear their imperfections with pride. That does not sit well with me either. It’s like saying, I cannot help being a bitch and I am not even going to try to be kind.
I have been reading about the importance of self-compassion and the link this has to our wellbeing. According to research, self-compassion deactivates the threat system and activates the self-soothing system. Instead of being in a heightened state of being; ready to attack or to flee because of threat to our perfectionist self-worth we could instead love others because, just like us they are also imperfect. We are all imperfect with varying degrees of abilities and disabilities across our multidimensional self. With this approach, there is no need to puff ourselves up nor do we need to put others down. Perhaps instead we can say, “there but for the grace of God go I.”
We are all perfectly imperfect and mostly beautifully broken. I have a feeling that it takes far more courage to accept this in ourselves than we realise. I would suggest that with God’s help, it is the beginning of being able to truly love ourselves and others. This week, let us start by accepting and loving our flaws; and in turn loving people better. Who’s with me?
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