I work with youth that have little idea what fabulous humans they are. Some of them have really tough lives and survival is more of a priority than their self-esteem. When you ask them what their strengths are, they have very little awareness and yet they can quote what seems to be every one of their imperfections. Why is it that they can look in the mirror and see what is wrong with them but struggle to identify what is right?
What if they are looking in the wrong mirror? Who are they believing and looking to that reflects back to them their strengths and their value? What if the only people in their lives reflect back their imperfections?
Growing up, my grandfather and my father were two significant people who called my strengths out and believed in me. I still remember my grandfather, or ‘poppa’ as I called him, commend me for my interest in playing the piano and painted a beautiful picture of me sitting at the piano performing one day. (I have continued but I will forever remember his belief in me). My father believed in me academically and both supported and commended me for my achievements at school. I went on to attend and complete university and attribute my capacity to do that because of his belief in me; right down to the mornings he cooked me fried eggs for breakfast before an exam, ‘because they are brain food’, he said.
As an adult, I have one particular older lady, who while she dismissed my request to formally mentor me, still did so in her own quiet way. She was the one who nudged me forward by recommending me and encouraging me to accept speaking engagements and positions of leadership. She believed in me before I could believe in myself.
To develop as humans, we need people that believe in us and can give us feedback that we are growing the right way. Less we grow weary and give up, we need more positive feedback than negative. Positive feedback is vital to our sense of well-being as well as our growth.
As a teacher, when teaching a new skill, it is important that I give feedback to my students on their progress. How else will they know if they are doing it rightly or wrongly? Why not take that further and mentor the whole person? As a parent, I seemed to be doing that all the time in my children’s lives.
Last year, I paid for a mentor to help me grow in a particular area where I felt I lacked clarity and was stagnating. She helped me to see things about myself that I did not always see and gave me a nudge to take risks I would otherwise not dare to do. Most of what she did was mirror back to me the potential and strengths I already had.
As a person of faith, I know that my heavenly father is the one I should look to for my perfect reflection. He says things like ‘you are chosen’, ‘you are loved’, ‘you are forgiven and redeemed’ and ‘you have a purpose’. How important is it for those of us who know this, to reflect this as we champion others?
I am grateful. I am grateful for Him and for others who have called out my potential and believed in me, when I could not. And I am also concerned. I am concerned for young people who do not have an adult to tell them what a wonderful human they are and mirror back to them their strengths and their potential. Many days, my workload threatens to overwhelm me but I am more aware than ever that pausing to tell a young person I believe in them and call out their potential may be the most important thing I do that day.
As Rita Pearson says “Each child deserves a champion- an adult who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection, and insists that they become the best that they can possibly be.”
Who are you championing at present? Who do you know that needs an adult to not give up on them and would benefit from you believing in them? May this week be the first week of many where we reflect back to a young person their strengths and their potential to be all they can possibly be.
#speaker #teacher #writer
#mentor #mentoring #mirroring #championing #champion #potential
Photo by Erik Eastman on Unsplash
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