Birthday Expectations

How do you celebrate birthdays?  What’s more important, the present, the cake, the meal, or who is there to share it with you? What do you expect from yourself and others, every year you have a birthday?

As a child, birthdays for me were simple.  Family finances were stretched, so the present was not grand.  The best part for me, was the home-made cake – usually chocolate, shared with my fam.  Nan and Pop were there too.  Soft drink was a luxury, so a couple of bottles of pop on the table was special. 

When my children were little, I did the same.  Occasionally, I would throw a special party. Mostly, it was a home-made cake shared with grandparents, cousins and aunties.  As young adults, I determined that their milestones would not pass without some fanfare. My baby turns thirty this year, and she will be celebrated with a Tuscany themed lunch, on the lawn.   

February is my birthday month. As a child, I shared the month with my sister and mum.  And yes, we had cake for every one!  This year, I shared not just my month, but the actual day with my grandson.  And thanks to his mum, we had cake times two.  He may not remember his first birthday, but photos will remind him who he shared this day with. In attendance were his parents, his Pa and grandmothers, times two.  We call ourselves Oma and Amma.  He will too, one day soon.

I am pretty sure Harper had no clue that his birthday was an event.  Perhaps he wondered who those old ladies were; grabbing him and cooing, so he would smile for the camera.  My hope is that he will know just how loved he is and that he matters to many.  And that appreciation for butter icing, was first introduced with birthday cake. 

Having lived over five decades around the sun, many birthdays have come and gone for me.  For some inexplicable reason or reasons, many of my milestone ones have been tinged with sadness.   Mum was in ICU, while I celebrated my sweet 16th.  I lived on the west coast of Australia, and my family and friends were on the East coast, for my 21st.  By the time I was 30, I was a mother of two young children, so this birthday slipped past with a dinner at the local pub.  I planned a party for my 40th, but for a number of reasons, it did not go according to my plan.  My 50th was mostly spent in the air. Sitting beside a stranger, between Brisbane and Manilla – somewhere. There was cake. But that was the day after.   

Did you know that birthday blues are a thing?  According to Vanessa Van Edwards in “Birthday Depression: Why Birthdays are so Hard”, there are a number of reasons people find birthdays simply depressing.  Birthdays remind us that we are getting older. And what we had hoped to accomplish since the last birthday or milestone, may not have transpired. The celebration itself usually has expectations surrounding it; whether one’s own or others. We are easily disappointed when the celebration falls short.  Sometimes, it is discovering the love and excitement of childhood, is simply not there anymore.

Van Edwards suggests we reflect on our answers to these four questions. What was the best thing that happened last year? What did I learn last year? What do I hope will happen this year? And, what do I want to learn this year?

My takeaway, is that others struggle with birthdays too.  Did I say that?  That is true!  And, by remembering someone else’s birthday, and showing love and appreciation on their day; I might just make the difference between a day that’s blue, and their best birthday ever!  So, thank you to my friends and family, who remembered my birthday.  For all those reasons, and maybe more that I don’t know, you make the difference between a day that is often blue, and the best birthday ever!   

Although, can I say, that having a grandson born on my birthday was the best thing that happened to me last year. And this year. And maybe forever.  And then there’s always cake!