Looking for glimmers in the wild

I have been absent for quite a while.  Last time I poked my head up, I was bragging about playing.  Where has that person gone?  I suspect the thieves who came are named responsibility and duty.  They shout at me most days, and shoo me into a little patch in the corner of my life’s garden where they insist, ‘keep tending that, and don’t venture beyond!’ That little patch in the corner is perfectly managed in rows. A single weed would not dare grow.

I have been here before.  I have looked out over my inner world’s garden.  It’s much bigger than that plot in the corner, and it is more like the wilds. Somewhere in there is whimsy, play, creativity, and beauty, overgrown with weeds, and curiosity is hiding.  Responsibility and duty insist I stay in the corner, believing this is the only bit of garden that I have been given, and that is all I am to know. 

Sometimes, like today, I dare to rest on a pile in another corner of my garden. I notice this is where many of my dreams were planted- some prematurely so that they never bloomed.  I spy creativity, poking its head out; and I notice it still has beauty and potential.  There’s a piece in the middle, recently tended too.  It wasn’t so long ago that it was watered, and I see a few rows have sprouted and scrambled.

I see play and laughter are there, but they are dormant and marred.  I remember now. Anxiety snuck into my garden and covered them up.  But there are still signs of life – a glimmer.  The sun has still to set.  I just cannot expect them to erupt with vigor, without some tenderness on the side.  

I lost my ability to feel joy in this constant state of drivenness and obsessively managed rows. I also lost my ability to experience blessings when they arose. 

Today, I am more determined than ever to place a chair in the middle and look for glimmers. Maybe I will watch the flowers leaning towards the sun. Perhaps, I will lean into puppy kisses and cuddles from little ones I love. All the while, I feel I am digging a little deeper into the loam of God’s goodness and love. 

And tomorrow. I will remember to venture again beyond that little corner, and start searching for lost treasures in the secret places of my inner garden.  I want to catch a few more glimmers in the wild.

How does your inner garden grow? 

Image by Paul Brennan from Pixabay