It is February 2020 already. January is gone. I am back to work and this week I have another birthday that is moving me further away from middle age- and to old age. ‘Normally’ and by now, my goals for the new year and the new me would have been printed and posted somewhere I could read and action daily. For reasons I am only now defining, I have put off creating this list. That seems so out character for me.
I discipline myself to first go back over 2019 instead and list the highlights and the challenges. With sadness, I realise another year has passed and it feels like I have skimmed over the surface of life without living deep enough. In spite of my activity and achievements, I have lost more than I have gained in the process.
Take my health, for instance. I started off last year with good habits that were rewarded with improvement in my health and weight. But there came a tipping point, when an overloaded adrenal system upset all my hormones and progress. Doing more was not the answer. Doing less was, but it was also so counterintuitive, especially when I was in the habit of pushing myself for so long.
And then there is my creativity. For those of you that read my blog regularly, you will notice how little I have written in the past six months. I am very aware of this. I can do analytical any old day, but my ability to express myself creatively seems to be squeezed out when life is reactive and seemingly frantic and shallow.
I suspect that this year, is a year to shed some of those good things that are making me too busy to experience life deeply. My preoccupation with ticking boxes and kicking goals has gotten out of hand. I forgot how to live in the moment. As I rush onto the next thing, I find myself shovelling food into my mouth. If I am going to slow down, perhaps I can start by chewing and tasting my food instead. Instead of cramming in another workout, perhaps I would be better off pausing enough to breathe deeply.
I have book on my bookshelf called ‘’In Praise of Slowness: Challenging the Cult of Speed”. The author Carl Honore challenges us by pointing out human’s history of speed and efficiency. He identifies the benefits of a slower paced lifestyle. “The great benefit of slowing down is reclaiming the time and tranquility to make meaningful connections–with people, with culture, with work, with nature, with our own bodies and minds.”
If this year is going to be different to last year, I will have to forgo much of my speed and efficiency that I have spent decades perfecting. If I am to live life slowly and deeply, I wonder can I to do that without making lists and setting goals?
Photo by Pablo Orcaray @pborcaray on Unsplash.com









