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Tag: change

  • It Takes Courage to Change

    It Takes Courage to Change

    Do you ever get tired of change?  I do.  I have always thought of myself as a person open to growth, and a proactive person; but I am growing weary.  I worked for an organisation which navigated its way through an enforced change process, followed by another organisation, that grew so rapidly, that change was inevitable.  My bookshelves testify to an adult lifetime of personal development, which I equate with having an openness to change.  I have also sought counselling and professional supervision to help me grow emotionally and personally.  In spite of these many decades of experience with change and a determination to have a positive attitude to it, I have felt that there are no assurances that I will always handle change well.

    To start with, I am not sure my brain has been the best one wired for change.  Those of us that are wired for routine, struggle with change more than others who aren’t.  This is quite an irony, because if you want to make a positive change, you best build new habits, which usually involves routine.  Apparently, some of us get stuck in this routine and need a bit of a nudge to accept change; whether externally or internally required.  As Tami Forman says, routines are great because they reduce decision fatigue, keep you disciplined and generally make your life easier. Unfortunately, when change is required, these routines can hold us back.

    In her article called ‘The Psychology of Change’, Eva Ryker suggests that our attitude and the attitude of others (yes, peer pressure) plays a big role in our ability to change. The biggest contributor is our intention to change.  This is known as a growth mindset, rather than a fixed mindset, and supports behavioral change.

    Unfortunately, as we get older, we have a tendency to become more fixed in our thoughts and our ways.  It is not just teenagers who are sensitive to the opinions of others.  Change, especially personal development and growth, takes even more courage as we get older.   Not only are we often in routine ruts, but we can risk losing friendships and the acceptance of some others, when we become someone different. Perhaps, we have more to lose?   Jeffrey Bonkiewicz says it all in his article’s title: ‘It takes courage to change: Taking on new behaviours can be unpopular.’

    For all of my years of openness to personal growth, I have started to wonder if it is actually a perfection trap? God knows, this side of heaven, I will never be perfect.  So why even bother?  Is it even necessary to change, I ask? I even began to wonder if the personal development industry isn’t a scam. Wisdom has prevailed though.  Growth and change are inevitable, I read, including my own personal decision and willingness to change.  Personal growth, and therefore change, is a lifetime process rather than a bucket list item. 

    Change requires courage, especially in the face of pain and grief.  I guess we would all embrace change if we knew there was no suffering involved.  ‘Courage’, Brene Brown says, ‘is a heart word’; ‘it equals vulnerability.’ In fact, vulnerability, she says, is the birthplace of change- and innovation and creativity.  

    As a Christian, I believe that I serve a God that encourages change, and one who admires courage.  While the process of change is not promised to be pain free, we are promised that we will not be alone in the journey.  God will be with us. The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Roman church, says that our transformation occurs by the renewal of our minds.  Thoughts and beliefs clearly impact our behaviours. This change that Paul talks about is not for the sake of change itself, or for some personal self-actualization. This transformation process is for the greater purpose of living a life for God’s purposes.  

    Fixed mindsets and fixed ways are clearly not the way forward.  An attitude of openness, of vulnerability, and of the heart, is what we need to be able to navigate the seas of change. I am sure humility and teachability should also be on this list.  I am convinced that my growth, especially in character and behaviours, has, and will continue to occur, not because of my successes, but rather through the setbacks and challenges.  And whenever I find myself growing weary, I may need to reacquaint myself with God and God’s vision and purpose for my life.   By fixing my eyes on His greater purpose for my life, in Christ Jesus, I will find the grace and the endurance to continue to run this race called life. 

    As John Assaraf says ‘anyone can stay the same. It takes courage to change.’

    Don’t give up! 

    Photo by Evie S. on Unsplash

  • One habit at a time

    One habit at a time

    Tomorrow is the first day of a new year.  Many of us will make resolutions for 2018 that we have no chance of keeping.  Even when we set SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timebound) goals, the odds are that we will falter and fail. 

    What if we scrapped setting a bunch of goals and instead worked on changing one or two habits?  Jeff Goins reckons forget goal setting and instead start small with simple habits to get results.  Gradually, these habits will become a part of our daily practice; our daily routine.

    The general rule of thumb, is it takes 21 days to form a new habit or to change an old one. For some of us our habits are grooves so deep that it is a bit like changing the course of an ancient river by digging another channel by hand. These ones might take a little longer or call for more excavation or experimentation than most, before a new groove is formed.  Once that new habit is formed though, who knows what the flow on effect may be. 

    In his book “The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do, and How to Change”, Charles Duhigg tells the story of Lisa, who by changing one habit transformed her life.  At aged thirty, she had been smoking and drinking for fourteen years, was overweight, in debt and the longest she had been in a job fell short of a year.  She decided to give up smoking and take up jogging. In four years, she lost sixty pounds, run a marathon, started a master’s degree and brought a home.  At aged thirty-four she was lean, fit, no outstanding debts, didn’t drink and was in her thirty-ninth month at her job.   By focusing on one pattern Lisa had taught herself to reprogram the other routines in her life, as well.  Old impulses were crowded out by new urges. 

    We all have habits. In fact, most of our daily lives are habitual, with routines. Try living in a new country or starting a new job and you may realise just how much the new routine or the loss of the familiar is unsettling.  What is the first thing you do in the morning, what music or radio station do you listen to when you hop in your car; at a coffee shop what is your usual order? At the end of a busy day, what groceries or takeaway do you usually pickup? Where does you mind go, when you daydream?  What is your usual phrase when you walk in the door at home each night?  These are but a few examples of what can and often starts of as a choice soon becomes an unconscious habit and even accidental. The question is, which ones are getting in the way of living an abundant life or fulfilling a dream?  What if by changing one of those habits in 2018, you or I could change the course of our lives for good? 

    Duhigg explains in how habits work that there is no one prescription or formula, although he does offer a framework- a place to start for changing habits.  It starts with identifying the routine that has become a habit. In his case, it was going to his workplace cafeteria at 3.30pm and eating a chocolate chip cookie. He looked into his habit and could not decide at first if it was about getting a sugar fix, boredom or a craving to socialize with co-workers there.  He then experimented with various new alternative habits that might reward his craving.  He resolved that walking over to a colleague’s desk and having a 10-minute chat would satisfy his craving, rather than the need to go to the cafeteria and eat an unnecessary cookie.  To ensure he changed his habit, he intentionally set his watch alarm for 3.30pm and would actively visit a colleague for a chat. After some time, he no longer was in the habit of visiting the cafeteria in the afternoon and would visit a colleague instead.  (I’m not sure what his colleague thought about his new habit though.)  I can only assume his health and weight was better for his habit change. 

    Here’s a thought. What if instead of focusing on a physical action as a new habit (although these are good), what about a change in mental or spiritual habit?  What if instead of focusing on the negative, the new habit was writing in a gratitude journal at the start or the finish of each day?  Instead of checking social media or emails first thin in the morning, what about checking in with God? 

    Here’s to a New Year filled with good things, starting with the small, tomorrow morn’. 

    “Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365-page book.  Write a good one.” Brad Paisley

      Photo by NordWood Themes on Unsplash