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Tag: courage

  • It Takes Courage to Change

    It Takes Courage to Change

    Do you ever get tired of change?  I do.  I have always thought of myself as a person open to growth, and a proactive person; but I am growing weary.  I worked for an organisation which navigated its way through an enforced change process, followed by another organisation, that grew so rapidly, that change was inevitable.  My bookshelves testify to an adult lifetime of personal development, which I equate with having an openness to change.  I have also sought counselling and professional supervision to help me grow emotionally and personally.  In spite of these many decades of experience with change and a determination to have a positive attitude to it, I have felt that there are no assurances that I will always handle change well.

    To start with, I am not sure my brain has been the best one wired for change.  Those of us that are wired for routine, struggle with change more than others who aren’t.  This is quite an irony, because if you want to make a positive change, you best build new habits, which usually involves routine.  Apparently, some of us get stuck in this routine and need a bit of a nudge to accept change; whether externally or internally required.  As Tami Forman says, routines are great because they reduce decision fatigue, keep you disciplined and generally make your life easier. Unfortunately, when change is required, these routines can hold us back.

    In her article called ‘The Psychology of Change’, Eva Ryker suggests that our attitude and the attitude of others (yes, peer pressure) plays a big role in our ability to change. The biggest contributor is our intention to change.  This is known as a growth mindset, rather than a fixed mindset, and supports behavioral change.

    Unfortunately, as we get older, we have a tendency to become more fixed in our thoughts and our ways.  It is not just teenagers who are sensitive to the opinions of others.  Change, especially personal development and growth, takes even more courage as we get older.   Not only are we often in routine ruts, but we can risk losing friendships and the acceptance of some others, when we become someone different. Perhaps, we have more to lose?   Jeffrey Bonkiewicz says it all in his article’s title: ‘It takes courage to change: Taking on new behaviours can be unpopular.’

    For all of my years of openness to personal growth, I have started to wonder if it is actually a perfection trap? God knows, this side of heaven, I will never be perfect.  So why even bother?  Is it even necessary to change, I ask? I even began to wonder if the personal development industry isn’t a scam. Wisdom has prevailed though.  Growth and change are inevitable, I read, including my own personal decision and willingness to change.  Personal growth, and therefore change, is a lifetime process rather than a bucket list item. 

    Change requires courage, especially in the face of pain and grief.  I guess we would all embrace change if we knew there was no suffering involved.  ‘Courage’, Brene Brown says, ‘is a heart word’; ‘it equals vulnerability.’ In fact, vulnerability, she says, is the birthplace of change- and innovation and creativity.  

    As a Christian, I believe that I serve a God that encourages change, and one who admires courage.  While the process of change is not promised to be pain free, we are promised that we will not be alone in the journey.  God will be with us. The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Roman church, says that our transformation occurs by the renewal of our minds.  Thoughts and beliefs clearly impact our behaviours. This change that Paul talks about is not for the sake of change itself, or for some personal self-actualization. This transformation process is for the greater purpose of living a life for God’s purposes.  

    Fixed mindsets and fixed ways are clearly not the way forward.  An attitude of openness, of vulnerability, and of the heart, is what we need to be able to navigate the seas of change. I am sure humility and teachability should also be on this list.  I am convinced that my growth, especially in character and behaviours, has, and will continue to occur, not because of my successes, but rather through the setbacks and challenges.  And whenever I find myself growing weary, I may need to reacquaint myself with God and God’s vision and purpose for my life.   By fixing my eyes on His greater purpose for my life, in Christ Jesus, I will find the grace and the endurance to continue to run this race called life. 

    As John Assaraf says ‘anyone can stay the same. It takes courage to change.’

    Don’t give up! 

    Photo by Evie S. on Unsplash

  • Perfection kills bravery

    Perfection kills bravery

    Rashma Saujani, the founder of “Girls who Code” says-and I agree, “we must teach our girls bravery not perfection.”  In her address to Harvard’s School of Graduate Education in 2017, she said “we train girls to be perfect—to please and play it safe, to follow the rules, and to always get straight A’s. The result? Girls are kicking you-know-what in the classroom, but falling behind in the real world. Because in the real world, success is a product of bravery, not perfection.” 

    Bravery is synonymous with courage, audaciousness, boldness and fearlessness.  The problem with perfection is it is often motivated by fear of failure and anxiety; the very things that kill bravery.  When did we forget that perfection is an illusion; a myth? 

    This does not mean that we do not pursue excellence.  It does mean that we acknowledge that there is a point where enough is ‘good enough’.   As Ron Ashkenas, argues, there becomes a certain point in our efforts, that adding more effort does not produce significantly more gains.

    What then if ‘good enough’ is average.  Greg McKeown in “Today, just be average”, suggests that this is in fact a reasonable goal to counteract perfection.  He suggests that instead of being perfect try being ‘good enough’ or ‘average’ instead; “…try doing something really hard: try being average for one day.  What you might find might surprise you.”

    Being perfect not only kills bravery, but is also killing us. There is a growing concern that the idea of perfectionism might be behind a recent rise in serious mental illness, including anxiety.  Recent research affirms a significant increase in perfectionism-especially socially prescribed perfectionism (excessively high social expectations) and the concern attached to this.  Curran and Hill in their article “Perfectionism is increasing, and that’s not good news” remind us of the following truths:   failure is not weakness, there are healthier goals than perfection-such as perseverance, flexibility and diligence, and done is better than perfect.  

    I argue that a healthier goal than perfection is bravery.  My mantra last year, when I needed courage to push on ahead when I was feeling way out of my comfort zone was “pull up your big girl pants Angela”.  My favourite Scripture was-and still is “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9 and also Deuteronomy 31:6) 

    I know only too well that I am fighting against perfectionism, people pleasing, following the rules, being ‘nice’ and playing it safe. Being brave, being strong, being courageous for me is overcoming all these things and involves taking risks.  That is not always easy, when it involves me and my dreams.

    I have put off too many dreams and plans, because of pursuing perfection.   While I do not advocate foolishness and impetuousness, over analysing has proven paralysing. If a farmer waited for the perfect season, would he ever sow a field? If he never sowed a field, how would he ever hope to reap a crop? 

    If we want to make change in our lives, or if we want to grow, even have fun we have to risk appearing foolish and sometimes even fall on our face.  Unless we start somewhere, sometime, we will never find out what we can achieve or experience. 

    Let us not allow perfection to kill our bravery this year. Be bold, be audacious, be fearless, have courage and be strong.  Cheers to a 2019 filled with bravery! 

  • What does brave look like?

    What does brave look like?

    If I told you that we should pursue bravery and not perfection, what does this look like?  Do we have to buy armour, practice our sword skills or take up martial arts?  Must we jump out of planes or climb huge mountains just to be considered brave?  Maybe. Maybe not. 

    What if brave is doing something that makes you scared; like scared of being rejected, not liked, being criticised or even failing?  Maybe brave is being imperfect at something until you get better. Maybe brave is feeling foolish until you feel confident.  Brave is speaking up even when your voice wobbles. Brave is having and expressing your opinion knowing that not everyone agrees with. As Brene Brown says “Sometimes the bravest and the most important thing you can do is just show up.” 

    Perfectionism kills bravery.  It paralyses us and prevents us from exploring, taking risks and being adventurous.  Getting something perfect or being perfect is both an illusion and a lie.  We will never be perfect in this life. We will never be without flaws and imperfections. It is unlikely that we will get it right first time.  Aiming for perfection can paralyse us and it certainly robs us of life and living.

    When was the last time that you tried something new and pushed yourself outside of your comfort zone?  I know that the older I get the more awkward I feel in new situations.  It feels safer to work at getting perfect in whatever I already know rather than try something new as a novice. 

    My husband is working on getting his pilots license. Now that is something to be afraid of!  Falling out of the sky or crashing.  The crazy thing though is that is not what he needs to be brave about.  Being brave for him is not giving up when he cannot get his landing or take-off perfect.  It is being back at school having to study, sit exams and getting marked again.

    To me bravery is leaving the shallows and diving in.  When we stay in the shallows we are safe, we are comfortable, our hair doesn’t get messed up, we don’t get sand in our swimmers- but we don’t learn to swim there either.  Diving in means taking a risk. We might get dumped by the wave, we might get water up our noses and in our ears; but it is exhilarating and tests our limits and, in the process, we realise we are living; we are swimming and no longer paddling.  We are no longer a spectator but a participant of life. 

    I take comfort from Scripture and in a God, who says “Be strong, and courageous. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”   May you find comfort too in these words as you pursue bravery this week! 

    Bravery for you may be different for me.  What is it this week that you will brave?  Remember, baby steps are fine.  So are flying leaps. 

    “What if I fall; Oh, but my darling, what if you fly!”  – Erin Hanson

    Photo by Arthur Lugovoy on Unsplash