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Tag: imperfections

  • Perfectly Imperfect

    Perfectly Imperfect

    Have you ever met a human that is perfect?  No, me neither.  Why then do we insist on pursuing such an unobtainable goal.  After all, as humans we are multidimensional-physical, spiritual, cognitive and emotional beings.  And then there is the subjective definition of perfection which is mostly a social and cultural construct.  And we know it!  Who has not critiqued social media and media for the unattainable perfection that is presented there? Would you agree with me that the pursuit of perfection is irrational?

    This week, I witnessed adolescents being mean to others about their imperfections when they themselves were glaringly flawed.  One young man, was making fun of the disabilities of others in special education when he himself required assistance.  Looking on I could not help be dismayed about their responses when I knew they themselves sought and hungered for acceptance. 

    In an article on disability and the acceptance of imperfection, Erin Martz says “the anger, avoidance, blame, and stigma that is often heaped upon individuals with disabilities could be explained as a projection of an individual’s own insecurity and non-acceptance of the fact that he or she is also imperfect.”

    Should we be focusing on our imperfections instead?  I do not know about you but that has led me to shame, blame and self-dislike in general, not to mention anxious vulnerability about my inadequacies.  I have noticed that some people start to wear their imperfections with pride. That does not sit well with me either. It’s like saying, I cannot help being a bitch and I am not even going to try to be kind.

    I have been reading about the importance of self-compassion and the link this has to our wellbeing.  According to research, self-compassion deactivates the threat system and activates the self-soothing system.  Instead of being in a heightened state of being; ready to attack or to flee because of threat to our perfectionist self-worth we could instead love others because, just like us they are also imperfect. We are all imperfect with varying degrees of abilities and disabilities across our multidimensional self.    With this approach, there is no need to puff ourselves up nor do we need to put others down.  Perhaps instead we can say, “there but for the grace of God go I.” 

    We are all perfectly imperfect and mostly beautifully broken.  I have a feeling that it takes far more courage to accept this in ourselves than we realise. I would suggest that with God’s help, it is the beginning of being able to truly love ourselves and others.  This week, let us start by accepting and loving our flaws; and in turn loving people better. Who’s with me?

    Photo by Umanoide on Unsplash

  • A matter of perspective

    A matter of perspective

    At a recent meeting, I spent over half an hour listing off my qualifications, my roles and my interests to provide my background story. The person I was meeting with then asked me a question that required an answer from a different perspective.  On a full page of preparatory notes filled with dot points, I had recorded only three lines that helped me answer this question.  The question he asked was something like “What has God been doing in your life?”  At first, I was overcome with emotion and felt quite vulnerable to share that which was deeply personal. It was not something I usually talked about when discussing my business and career goals, even though we were both Christians. It got me thinking though…    

    Is there more than one way to frame my life’s journey and tell my story? What if my particular way of recalling my life needs to change or at least be broadened? Perhaps it’s time I focused on a different perspective.

    A number of themes have started to emerge as I have been looking back and telling my story. I have been convicted that perhaps I have been focusing a little too much on as single perspective .  What would my story be if I asked different questions of myself and my life? 

    Abe Lincoln is attributed with having said “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”  Have I, I wondered, been looking at the thorns and missing the beauty of the roses in my life?  Instead of asking “Why did this awful thing happen to me?”, what would my story be if I asked myself “How is this the best thing that happened to me?”  Instead of looking at the trials in my life, what would it look like if I looked for God’s providence instead?  Instead of looking at achievements of the ‘head’, what if I looked for achievements of the ‘heart’? 

    I started a journey today going back through some of the scripts I have recorded about my life and have been asking myself different questions.  I still have a way to go and am getting a little excited. As I look past some of the thorns I am beginning to notice some of the roses. 

    This reminds me of an old Indian story I once heard about six blind men who approach an elephant for the first time. These men describe the whole beast deduced from the portion they could feel.  Of course, when one is feeling the trunk, another the tail, another the leg, an ear, the belly and the tusk it is any wonder they could not agree on what an elephant looked like.  The problem is that each one only had a partial view and were describing the whole from their single perspective. 

    I draw comfort from the fact that God can see the whole clearly. I may never know everything that He is doing in my life.  I do know though that He loves me and that in all things He works for good because I love Him. (Romans 8:28)  The Bible talks a lot about being thankful and having gratitude.  I confess that when my perspective is small and certainly in the midst of pain that can be hard to do.  I do not want to grow old recalling only the thorns and missing the roses.  I am committed to recalling and perhaps retelling my story from a different perspective. 

    “It’s not what you look at that matters; it’s what you see.”  Henry David Thoreau.

    Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash