On the Blog!

Tag: pursuit of perfection

  • Perfectly Imperfect

    Perfectly Imperfect

    Have you ever met a human that is perfect?  No, me neither.  Why then do we insist on pursuing such an unobtainable goal.  After all, as humans we are multidimensional-physical, spiritual, cognitive and emotional beings.  And then there is the subjective definition of perfection which is mostly a social and cultural construct.  And we know it!  Who has not critiqued social media and media for the unattainable perfection that is presented there? Would you agree with me that the pursuit of perfection is irrational?

    This week, I witnessed adolescents being mean to others about their imperfections when they themselves were glaringly flawed.  One young man, was making fun of the disabilities of others in special education when he himself required assistance.  Looking on I could not help be dismayed about their responses when I knew they themselves sought and hungered for acceptance. 

    In an article on disability and the acceptance of imperfection, Erin Martz says “the anger, avoidance, blame, and stigma that is often heaped upon individuals with disabilities could be explained as a projection of an individual’s own insecurity and non-acceptance of the fact that he or she is also imperfect.”

    Should we be focusing on our imperfections instead?  I do not know about you but that has led me to shame, blame and self-dislike in general, not to mention anxious vulnerability about my inadequacies.  I have noticed that some people start to wear their imperfections with pride. That does not sit well with me either. It’s like saying, I cannot help being a bitch and I am not even going to try to be kind.

    I have been reading about the importance of self-compassion and the link this has to our wellbeing.  According to research, self-compassion deactivates the threat system and activates the self-soothing system.  Instead of being in a heightened state of being; ready to attack or to flee because of threat to our perfectionist self-worth we could instead love others because, just like us they are also imperfect. We are all imperfect with varying degrees of abilities and disabilities across our multidimensional self.    With this approach, there is no need to puff ourselves up nor do we need to put others down.  Perhaps instead we can say, “there but for the grace of God go I.” 

    We are all perfectly imperfect and mostly beautifully broken.  I have a feeling that it takes far more courage to accept this in ourselves than we realise. I would suggest that with God’s help, it is the beginning of being able to truly love ourselves and others.  This week, let us start by accepting and loving our flaws; and in turn loving people better. Who’s with me?

    Photo by Umanoide on Unsplash

  • Is the Balanced Life a Myth?

    Is the Balanced Life a Myth?

    I grew up with a father who worked hard and gave his work his best.  He was the kind of man who left for work with a half hour to spare in case he got a flat tyre and thus ensuring he would not be late.  Most days he would be half hour early.  He was also the kind of man said “You can play when the work is done.”

    Researcher Ioana Lupu writes that our feelings about work-life balance are shaped by what we saw our parents do.  More often than not, our beliefs and expectations around the right balance between work and family are shaped early on and are subconscious. Our work ethic is internalised from childhood. Of course, people also make conscious choices to not be like their parents.   

    I made some conscious choices as a wife and mother to do things differently to my mother and yet often, I found myself subconsciously doing the same.  Not once though did I question my subconscious beliefs and expectations shaped by my father’s example.    I wonder now if that may have been the reason I have come close to burnout several times in my career and life. 

    Often, we blame the organisation and society for being the obstacle to getting work-life balance and satisfaction.  Lupu’s research highlights that the impediment is also within the individual themselves.  Instead of moving to work at another organisation, perhaps we should consider looking within and locating those internal drivers and subconscious beliefs we have towards work and rest. 

    What I forgot is that my parents grew up in an era where weekend trading was not offered. It was also normal to make Sunday a day of rest and worship.  Working hard all week was balanced with Sabbath rest.  My parents were also from farming families. They understood and practiced the rhythm of seasons. There were times to plant and times to harvest and times for land to lay fallow. 

    We now live in a world where communication technology makes our messages-and us available instantly and accessible twenty-four seven. There is no sabbath or seasons.  How can we play when our work day is never over? 

    We also live in a world where it is more common for women to have a career and a family.  While we aspire to have a more balanced life, many of us continue to work hard like our parents and yet forfeit the family life we seek. Our internal drivers often override the conscious promises we made ourselves and our family. 

    I do wonder though if the pursuit of this balance is not in fact mythical.  It is a bit like trying to catch a fairy.  Being in control of our lives is an illusion.  The sooner we give that up, the sooner we lighten up and enjoy the rhythm of work and rest.  By enjoying our sabbath rest, we give up the need to have everything perfect and may actually get a life in the process.  I think a balanced life does not exist! 

    Photo by Austin Neill on Unsplash