Tag: slowness

Going Deep

I journaled at the end of last year, I feel that deep down I am missing stuff. Life is not slow enough… not wondrous enough… not worshipful enough….

This has been my heart’s yearning for a long time, but despite my best intentions, I often overcommit and over function and instead of paring back like I should, I crank up efficiency and organisation. Now sometimes this is a strength, but I have come to realise that what I lose in doing so, is sometimes far greater than what I gain. Very soon I become fixated on my goals, and my world shrinks and along with it my joy and all these things I yearn for.

Frank Dimitri (2018) says that “Wonder is the impulse behind scientific, and philosophical inquiry, artistic creativity and spiritual yearning.” While we have all experienced wonder as a child and at least once as an adult, the reality is that it often becomes blocked- perhaps even used up as we get older. I discovered during some research, that if I wish to be open to experiencing wonder, I must be mindful of my senses. That means going slow enough and being mindful or open to experiencing the depth of my sensory experiences. Too often I shovel food in my mouth without tasting it, rush a shower without feeling it or rush throughout my garden tending it, without smelling the roses. No wonder I am missing ‘stuff‘ and feel my life lacks wonder and I yearn to be worshipful.

For the past ten years, our family have often holidayed on the Great Barrier Reef. I remember the first time I saw baby turtles hatching and held one of those leathery tiny creatures in the palm of my hand. I recall standing in wonder, watching the hatchlings scramble for the ocean in the moonlight. Fast forward several trips later, and I lamented my lack of wonder, having seen this sight many times. It took a child, filled with joy and delight at the sight, to challenge me to reactivate mine.

For a long time, I have relied on the promise of travel to bring relief to my everyday busyness and fixation on doing. Without realising it I have sought new adventurous experiences to fill my senses and activate this wonder, which fuels my sense of worship. What can be considered culture shock in a foreign land, I have come to draw on to fill my sensory ‘wonder’ bank with new smells, tastes, sounds and sights.

I have been lamenting for too long now, that this global pandemic has thwarted all my plans for travel. I woke up one morning in the new year and decided ‘if I can’t go wide with travel, I am going to go deep with the life I have’. I am still working out exactly what that looks like and how to reduce overload and overwhelm. The early birthday gift of a puppy we called Daisy has helped me to make a change. Daisy has been my invitation to go slow. I wonder at her energy in her little body. I smile at her antics, draw in her puppy scent and giggle like a child when she licks and wriggles. I marvel at this cute creature, part of God’s creation. I believe that while it is true that worship can lead to wonder; I am discovering that wonder leads to worship.

It feels a lot like mining meaning in what it is front of me, instead of seeking more.and more. Perhaps that is exactly what going deep means. Instead of finding the shiny at the surface, I can dig deep and find the riches there. I am looking forward to a year that includes more of slow, more wonder and more worship.

Photo by Hulki Okan Tabak on Unsplash

January 17, 2021
Does speed matter?

I collapsed in my chair at the end of last week, shattered physically, mentally, and emotionally. In a week marked by efficiency, busyness and speed borne out of necessity to deliver outcomes, I should have been delighted in all I had achieved. Instead I felt overwhelmed in the wake of my intense week and dismayed about the impact my overwhelm might have had on others.

It does not matter what I did or where I did it, because this has happened before. It does not really matter why either. What matters is what lesson I am slow to learn.

A good friend, who prays for me and especially prayed for me this week passed on a message of encouragement with a Scripture to read. She attached a P.S. suggesting that the picture of the snail that accompanied the verse, might in fact be just as important a message as the words. A snail I thought? And then, I agreed.

I have been slapping my forehead the past few weeks, dismayed by my frustrations and exclaiming “Am I stupid? or Is there a lesson I have not learned?” There is a lesson in this, I realised. I need to go slower! I suspect, in my case, this is not actually slow, but it will certainly feel slow for someone who multi tasks and has spent decades developing her efficiencies.

This is not a new thought. For a long time, I have had a curiosity about the slow living and the slow food movement. My weekends are spent pottering in my garden and in my kitchen; or hanging out with friends over a cuppa. Why can’t I get this rhythm at work? Is it even possible?

I know why I cram so much into my workdays. I do not think my motives are wrong, but the consequences are dangerous. Certainly, dangerous to my health, both physical and mental. My body, already struggling with hormonal imbalances, does not need another squirt of stress hormone in the mix. It is true if you run fast you risk stumbling. I felt that this week.

Did you know there is a ‘slow work’ movement too? It focuses on mindfulness, creativity, and balanced work environment. Paul Gentile in “How to make the slow movement work for you”, emphasizes using your time for more meaningful and productive ways, by taking controlled breaks and focus on individual tasks. For me that means no more multitasking and eating on the run.

Morgaine Gerlach suggests in addition, doubling the time estimate for the ‘to-do list’ items on your daily schedule, adding relaxation periods to each day and being patient with the process.

I know in my heart that slowing down allows me to go deeper and be present. This is especially important for relationships not only with others, but with oneself and one’s God. Just like the snail, going slower may mean I get to see the benefit and the beauty of every inch!

Under duress, it all seems so hard and yet I know it is so important. I rather like this Chinese Proverb and may have to post it on a note on my desk. “Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.”

And this one by Shakespeare “Wisely and slow. They stumble that run fast.”

I will be sure to add a picture of a snail too.

P.S. Feel free to check in with me in a week’s time or a month’s time and ask me how I am managing ‘slow’.

Photo by amirali mirhashemian on Unsplash

June 7, 2020
A life lived slowly and deeply…

It is February 2020 already. January is gone. I am back to work and this week I have another birthday that is moving me further away from middle age- and to old age. ‘Normally’ and by now, my goals for the new year and the new me would have been printed and posted somewhere I could read and action daily. For reasons I am only now defining, I have put off creating this list. That seems so out character for me.

I discipline myself to first go back over 2019 instead and list the highlights and the challenges. With sadness, I realise another year has passed and it feels like I have skimmed over the surface of life without living deep enough. In spite of my activity and achievements, I have lost more than I have gained in the process.

Take my health, for instance. I started off last year with good habits that were rewarded with improvement in my health and weight. But there came a tipping point, when an overloaded adrenal system upset all my hormones and progress. Doing more was not the answer. Doing less was, but it was also so counterintuitive, especially when I was in the habit of pushing myself for so long.

And then there is my creativity. For those of you that read my blog regularly, you will notice how little I have written in the past six months. I am very aware of this. I can do analytical any old day, but my ability to express myself creatively seems to be squeezed out when life is reactive and seemingly frantic and shallow.

I suspect that this year, is a year to shed some of those good things that are making me too busy to experience life deeply. My preoccupation with ticking boxes and kicking goals has gotten out of hand. I forgot how to live in the moment. As I rush onto the next thing, I find myself shovelling food into my mouth. If I am going to slow down, perhaps I can start by chewing and tasting my food instead. Instead of cramming in another workout, perhaps I would be better off pausing enough to breathe deeply.

I have book on my bookshelf called ‘’In Praise of Slowness: Challenging the Cult of Speed”. The author Carl Honore challenges us by pointing out human’s history of speed and efficiency. He identifies the benefits of a slower paced lifestyle. “The great benefit of slowing down is reclaiming the time and tranquility to make meaningful connections–with people, with culture, with work, with nature, with our own bodies and minds.”

If this year is going to be different to last year, I will have to forgo much of my speed and efficiency that I have spent decades perfecting. If I am to live life slowly and deeply, I wonder can I to do that without making lists and setting goals?

Photo by Pablo Orcaray @pborcaray on Unsplash.com

February 2, 2020
A week in the slow lane

I spent this past week away from home and looking after my adult daughter who had a knee reconstruction on Monday. The rehabilitation process demands she walks on her injured leg and she started that immediately following surgery. This means she still walks; but she is slow.

I laughed with her the first day joking that God had allowed her to snap her ligament so she would slow up and allow her soul catch up with her body. We both knew that the past few years her pace has been fast. First the injury and now the necessary surgery has slowed her down. As her carer that meant that I too had to go slow.

Getting out the door from the third-floor apartment, down the three flights of stairs and into my car parked on the street took considerably longer than normal for both of us. Meeting up with people elsewhere for a coffee or a meal required us to leave much earlier to allow time for her to walk slowly. There was no point in being impatient. In fact, impatience could undo all the good work of surgery and healing. Being pushed in a wheelchair or taking off on crutches was not an option either as her healing depends on her using her muscles and walking; just slowly.

I love spending time with my daughter so visiting the local coffee shop recently opened by friends of hers was no chore. There was no popping in for a quick coffee however. The sheer effort of getting there and back as well as the luxury of her being on medical leave, meant we could linger. There is something special about lingering over a good coffee with friends; sprawled out on cushioned seating, leaning against the wall awash in the morning light and its warmth. Even now I remember the scene as if the slower pace permitted the enjoyment of the experience to permeate my soul.

This slower pace necessitated setting priorities for each day. There was no way we could schedule multiple outings and had to be content with a slower pace. Even my exercise this week seemed to reinforce the message to slow down. I took the opportunity to use my daughter’s membership and attended two classes of ‘Hot Pilates’. While the exercise includes moments of high intensity it is balanced out with intentional deep breathing and stretching.

As I write this, I recall a book I purchased many years ago. Carl Honor wrote “In Praise of Slowness” in which he challenges the cult of speed, our addiction to speed and our obsession to do everything so quickly. I acknowledge that I have been guilty of the same love affair with efficiency and speed.

I have also lifted down from the bookshelf another book by a Christian author Richard J. Foster called “Finding Harmony in a Complex World: Freedom of Simplicity.” I am drawn to the potential of a life in unhurried peace and power.

My one week in the slow lane has given me food for thought. Perhaps it is time to reread these books and put into practice some of the suggestions. This week has hinted at a life with depth, deep breathing and unhurried experiences. Maybe it’s time to start a love affair with slowness and simplicity as well as minimalism.

“Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it”. Soren Kierkegaard.

Photo by SnapbyThree MY on Unsplash

July 30, 2017