On the Blog!

Tag: speaking

  • The problem with thinking big

    The problem with thinking big

    I have been thinking a lot lately, and struggling to act on a lot.  There seems to be no end of good works, great ideas, and amazing opportunities that others think I should get involved in.   I am drowning in ideas here, dabbling in a few, and feel like I am missing the big opportunity.  The crazy thing is that all this thinking makes me anxious; especially, when I am thinking about what is stopping me taking action.  Could this be a classic example of paralysis from analysis? Is it my reluctance to live in reality?  Is it my fear of failure?  Or maybe, the fear of thinking too small?  Or maybe, it is none of these at all!

    I recall as a little girl, spending lots of time daydreaming. When I was not daydreaming, I had my head in a book.  In my dreams everything is beautiful and stress free; unlike much of reality.  In the books I read, most mysteries were solved, and the girl got her guy, and lived happily ever after. 

    If you know me well you know I am contemplative.  People of action often accuse me of overthinking or overanalysing.  Some experts would suggest that I am using a coping mechanism, learned from childhood. Instead of helping, it is hindering me, by contributing to those levels of anxiety. 

    Research suggests, one strategy to get this overthinking under control is to get out of my head. Well, that’s obvious. What do I do instead? Speak to someone? My friends are good for this, as are therapists.  Write it down.  That definitely helps me.  And trust my gut?  I find this one the scariest to acknowledge, because I might have to believe in myself.

    Surely, there is some good that comes from thinking a lot?  I would think that wouldn’t I? I believe thinking lots has helped me to become better organized, more strategic in my planning, and has contributed to my creativity. At some point in time though, it is important I act on some of this thinking.  My problem, is where do I start.     

    This is when I say, I just want to win the lotto, or receive an email from God telling me what I should do that will guarantee success, so I can safely take action.  And then I realised, who made the goal success?  What if the goal is growing in character, and not everything to do with achievement or reward?  The Bible tells us, suffering brings perseverance which leads to character, and hope.  Now, this Scripture isn’t about dreams and hopes, but more about the deeper soul work of hope in the Lord.  But it does give insight into hope with a little ‘h’.  Dreaming is safe, because it avoids the pain of reality.  Action, often involves a level of suffering with no guarantee of success; but plenty of opportunity for growth. 

    This surely is the game changer.  Instead of stressing about which good works, great ideas and amazing opportunities will guarantee success; perhaps I should ask myself, which one will provide me with the most opportunity to grow?  And, what if the pressure to find the big opportunity is actually holding me back from following through with the small ideas – and humble opportunities, that are in my heart to do?  Instead of listening to what others think I should do, perhaps it is time to listen to the small, quiet voice!

    “I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been born in God’s thought, and then made by God is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking.” This is a prayer of contentment” -― C.S. Lewis

  • Big thoughts and small talk

    Big thoughts and small talk

    I like to write and am very happy speaking from the front, but take me to a party and I’m rubbish at small talk.  I am comfortable with asking people deep and meaningful questions but out of my depth with light and entertaining conversation.  Sit me next to a stranger on a plane and I will bury my head in a book and put earplugs in to avoid having to make conversation.

    For an introvert-as I am, this is quite normal; though not always helpful. Hiding is not always an option.  Nor is it particularly good mannered.  Evidence points to the fact that not everyone welcomes deep conversations. So small talk is necessary I am lead to believe. 

    Weather gets a bit ho-hum.  Surely there are other people like me that have zero interest in sports.  There is only so much we can tell people about others or our family without breaching their privacy or being a gossip. Too many holiday dialogues sound like a bragging festival or a travel documentary. Does that only leave cute kitten and puppy stories?

    Good small talk does not have to be shallow. Our social media habits have done little to enhance good conversation with their practice of superficial and brief messages.   Perhaps it is time to rediscover the old art of a good conversation. 

    One aspect of making good small talk is preparing and telling a short personal story.  Much the same as preparing and practicing one’s elevator pitch.   Where an elevator pitch might be 30 seconds long, a small talk story can be a minute long.

    Small talk, I have deduced is harder than my big thoughts.  If I opened my mouth and let my thoughts tumble out I reckon I have zero chance of engaging someone in conversation or of being considered interesting. The quality of a good story is as much dependent on the words left in as the words left out. 

    Telling a good story and engaging another person in a light and entertaining conversation is an art.   It takes skill and it takes practice.  How many people do you know that do this well? Possibly very few if you count them when sober. Perhaps that’s why so many people hunch over their phones to tweet or post selfies whilst at a party.

    No matter how ordinary or routine our lives are, no one else has the same story or stories to tell.  Ordinary stories can be interesting if told well.  It is time to harness those big thoughts and create an interesting short story for making superb small talk.  Join me at the next party and let us practice the art of a good conversation together.